20 Years
by Somewhere In Time
Summary: What happened in the twenty Starfireless years... From the episode How Long Is Forever. RobStar Robin Starfire BBRae Beastboy Raven. New chapter - Robin: Evasion.
1. Prologue Part I After All

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**"20 Years"**

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**Prologue Part I**

**After All  
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**-Robin/Nightwing-**

She asked me, 'Forever?'

She disappeared that very day. And I failed her. I promised her forever, yet in a few weeks we each parted ways. Now I'm the only one standing in a cold, empty city that is a mere shell of what it was before.

This, all of this, is my fault.

Yet I can't leave this city riddled with memories, because I still hold on to that thin strand of hope that maybe, sometime in the future, I'd meet her again.

Every night I stare at the broken monument of the Teen Titans and pray that today, today she will appear to me.

It's been twenty years.

I'm still waiting.

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**-Beastboy-**

We told each other we'd all be okay. I mean, lots of teams break up after a while. We promised we'd stay in touch, that we'd still be friends.

But we all knew deep inside we weren't okay. We knew this breaking up tore each of our hearts into tiny ragged pieces. Because we had been a family. Because we had loved each other.

It was hard on all of us. Suddenly I was without a place to stay or anything to eat. Sure, I could ask one or more of the other Titans for help. Yeah, right.

I didn't care I was getting my butt kicked all the time. I didn't care I was cold and hungry. Until she stopped recognizing me.

Raven. She was the one who acted like it was nothing. She acted if breaking up didn't really matter to her. I should have known better. But I swallowed everything she said. I didn't really want to think about it.

At first I went to see her quite often. I think I showed up at her doorstep practically every day. As if by some unsaid promise, we never used our communicators. Occasionally we met up with Cy. Robin never showed up. We didn't try to force him our company. We all knew he was cut the most when Starfire disappeared.

But slowly, but surely, we drifted apart. Maybe we were all occupied with our own problems, with our own work. Maybe we just didn't feel together.

I didn't realize how much Raven was hurting inside.

When I arrived at her place, after a year had passed since I last saw her, the first thing I noticed was that every single piece of furniture was gone, even her beloved books. The next thing I noticed was that Rae was mumbling to herself.

I called out to her, grabbed her shoulder, my animal instincts crying out that something was wrong. Horribly wrong.

She blocked me out, yelling something about me not being her friend, about me not really being there.

I tried. But she was too far gone for me to reach her.

I gave up. On her, on Cy, on life.

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**-Cyborg-**

I've been stuck in this tower for what seems like forever.

Not like I really tried to get out of here. There isn't anywhere to go.

Nothing interests me now. I just live for the simple reason that I'm not dead yet.

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_**A/N** There's too many of these kind of fics, but I just couldn't help it!!_

_Anyway, WB gave us twenty empty years to deal with, we might as well fill it up!_

_This is sort of a drabble thing, so it might not be up to my usual standards(which weren't very high to start with)._

_Tell me what you think about it by a wonderful thing called reviewing!_

_P.S. Raven is not here because she is insane by this time.  
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	2. Prologue Part II Broken Wings

_Thanks for everyone who waited for this story...I'm sorry I kept you waiting for so long._

_I'm not sure if this chapter is as good as the last though. Will try to improve, I promise you._

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**Prologue Part II**

**Broken Wings  
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**-Terra-**

Terra stood on a rocky outcrop at the outskirts of the desert, gazing across to the small harbor city nestled between the sea and the mountains. This was it. This was the edge of the United States. She felt a weariness settle inside her, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. She was so tired, so tired of running away and the sparkle of the waves were so inviting. She wished, no she hoped, that maybe, just maybe she could stay there, call it home.

She skidded down the rock and started running, the slight hope still lingering in the innermost chambers of her heart.

When she saw the Tower, she couldn't help but think, _T for Terra_, and she wondered who lived there.

It was Beastboy who met her first, when she used her powers to stop an attempted store robbery. There were no Teen Titans. It was only Beastboy and Cyborg now. Most of the high-security prisoners had been moved elsewhere since the Titans weren't there to keep them in check if ever they broke out.

They were almost instant friends. Her natural cheerfulness was like a beam of light in the darkness, a draught of the Elixir of Life to his dying spirit.

She was intoxicating to his despairing state.

Later, he would be ashamed to admit that he lived _for_ her, that he existed for the moments they shared. Because with her, he could forget that he had ever had a close-knit circle of friends that were more like family. He could forget about what he had lost, and he had lost so many things. When he was with her, he could pretend that the only things that existed were himself and her radiance.

He began to neglect his duties as a self-proclaimed superhero if only he could be with her for a little more time, forget that the world existed.

But oddly enough, he always returned to Raven's run-down little room on the outskirts of the fading city at night. He needed her darkness to _be_ there when he faced the harsh reality in the absence of Terra's light. Raven never said anything when he'd come stumbling in through the door, throwing himself onto the worn sofa that stood at one edge of the room. She didn't need to. After a while, he'd have a little small talk with Raven then walk out the door.

Terra was flattered by his advances. No one had ever cared about her so ardently. And she honestly did enjoy his company and the accompanying jokes. It felt good to laugh so wholesomely and without bound.

But Terra had heard about the Teen Titans from around the city. There came the inevitable day when she asked about the subject. Beastboy immediately clammed up. The scars were too fresh and bleeding. It had only been a couple of months since the whole world had come crashing down for him.

Terra had been the only sanctuary away from reality, but now she was dragging the real world into their relationship. She wanted to know too much, wasn't satisfied with his terse remarks about the subject.

Then she began to tell him about herself. About all the things she had done, all her scars. She trusted him enough to show her entirety. But Beastboy was hurting too. He was the one who needed comfort. He wasn't strong enough yet to hold other people's problems along with his own. He tried, valiantly, but two broken wings cannot make a bird fly. He broke down and they both fell, spiraling down from the sky.

Terra ran, just as she had done all her life. Ran away from another person she had tried to welcome into her life. Some say that her brother caught up with her, took her back to her country. Some say that she grew up as a normal teenager at the next city on the West Coast. Beastboy never found out.

He poured himself into his work for a while after that. In the end, it was Raven who sought him out. She sat with him, talked with him. When he cracked a weak joke, Raven left, knowing he would be all right.

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**-Robin-**

The moment the Titans disbanded, he disappeared off the face of the earth. That's what he had wanted. If he had the nerve, he would have disappeared from this plane of existence. But that faint glimmer of a hope remained, that sometime she'd come back. Even if he was dead and gone when she finally returned, he wanted her to remember him with pride. He didn't want her to discover in history books how "The Boy Wonder" had deserted everyone. He didn't want her disappointment, even in death.

But he couldn't look at that Robin costume without his insides feeling like they were being freshly torn apart. He couldn't wear it without hearing her voice, her disembodied touch upon every wind.

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**-Raven-**

Beastboy was stepping into trouble, and she could see that. But she knew better than to interfere. It was enough he came to her from time to time, seeking comfort and solace, although he claimed to be doing it for her. She knew better.

She had shed away her obligations as a teen superhero. She still helped people in trouble if she ever saw them in the streets, but she didn't go out of her way to help them. She still meditated, knowing she wouldn't be able to function properly if she didn't, but she didn't want to go soaring round in her leotard and cloak any longer. Too many memories…and her memory was exceptionally accurate. The prophecy still weighed on her mind, but she pushed it away. She no longer cared much. What would come would come, and she would meet it when it did.

She pretended she didn't care when Beastboy's visits became increasingly infrequent. He was getting on in life, getting over the Titans. Good. She still pretended when he had stopped coming altogether. Fine, he was living his own life now.

She buried herself in her books, now with nothing to tie her down.

One night, she decided to return to Azarath. Her days there had not been enjoyable, but it was a better option than sitting here, turning into an odd-jobs woman. At least there she could use her magical prowess for the people of Azarath. At least there, Arella would not refuse refuge to her only daughter.

But Azarath was gone. Only a brief vision of her mother remained before it lifted to reveal the burning buildings.

She sped back to Earth, broken completely. All were lost – friends, family, all.


	3. Chapter 1 Robin: Evasion

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**Chapter 1**

**Robin: Evasion**

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He ran. He was ashamed of it later, but for now, he had to run. Stripped all of the hero off of him until he was merely Grayson, just globe hopping, looking for something more. Again and again, more.

Beautiful scenery touched no chord of delight in his heart, and he turned away from it, coldly. The Grand Canyon spread out from under his feet, grand and majestic. The sunlight stained the rocks pale pink, brilliant yellow, dusky purple – he saw but did not see. The roar of the Niagara Falls fell on deaf ears. Metropolis's bright night scenery made him wince; too much like Gotham. London, Paris, Istanbul, Sicily, Moscow, Beijing… He checked into the best hotels, rode in taxis, then went away after a few days into each city. All the major cities of the 7 continents he visited, never exceeding five days in each place.

Bruce called him after a while. Dick was expecting this, he knew Bruce – no, Batman – had tabs on him and his credit card, which he was using rather loosely. But at the same time, he hadn't expected cold, indifferent Bruce to contact him. Bruce shouldn't have called. He had never been very good at vocalizing his own feelings.

_Come home at once, _Bruce's low voice growled through the phone. _You're being an idiot._

What he meant was: I'm worried about you. I'm worried about the weight of the blame you're taking upon your own shoulders. I want to help you, as your father, your guardian, your mentor.

But Bruce, despite his expert analytical mind when it came to other people, could not decipher his own heart enough to spell out what he truly wanted Dick to hear.

_Physician, heal thyself. _

Dick hung up. He flew to Sydney and promptly lost himself in the wilderness of the outback and the great blue beckoning of the sea. The silence and vastness made him wonder what would happen if he just pulled off the scuba gear and stayed under the beautiful blue water. Quiet, serene water ending his wandering heart forever. Swimming on his back, looking at the distorted wavering of the sun through the choppy waves, his temptation took him as far as grasping the tubes of his air tank, as if to pull them out. His head broke the surface, and he treaded water until he reached the boat.

At night, he visited a pharmacy and requested over-the-counter sleeping pills. Lying down on the plush hotel bed, he pulled out a handful, wondering if he should just end it here and now. He looked into the whiteness of the pills resting innocently on his hand and remembered the brightness of smiling teeth he once saw and loved.

_Earth is an amazing place too._

Fireworks. A Ferris wheel.

A piercing cry inundated with grief tore itself from his throat and shattered the silence. The pills clattered across the hardwood floor, some smashing to bits from the force of the throw. He shoved his face onto the pillow, hating himself for letting the tears fall, for being so damn weak, for losing _her_, for letting _her_ suffer.

_I never even told her…_

A sob rose unbidden from his heart, and he could not shove it down this time.

_that…that I…_

She would hate him for sure if she knew. She would turn her head away, ashamed…he could see it so clearly, as if she was standing in front of him right now…she would pity him but not…never…_love._

After all, she wasn't dead. Drawing the covers around his now-still shoulders, he gazed pensively at the dark ceiling. He didn't even know what color it was, he hadn't bothered to see when it was light. _She_ would have noticed it, she would have gushed about the dark red lampshade on the bedside table too…she would have looked at him with those luminescent green eyes with shining wonder and curiosity and amazement. Was there love there? He had questioned himself for many nights before, questioned his own thudding heart and blushing face, and the answer was always, maddeningly: _maybe._

And now he may never know. After all, she wasn't dead…but she was lost in time. That villain Warp had said he was from the future, one hundred years into the future.

_One hundred years._

Right now, he was sixteen. So that meant he would have to be one hundred and sixteen years old to see _her_ again. Star. Starfire. Dick forced himself to use her name. He would be an old, old man and she would still be sixteen years old. If he even survived that long.

Most likely, he would die long before that. Most likely, Star – he must keep saying her name to keep her real – would read about him in the historical archives. He could see the headlines: **_Robin Abandons Team_**, **_Teen Titans, Disbanded?_**, and last but definitely the worst, _**Richard Grayson, 16, commits suicide in his hotel room in Sydney, Australia**…_

Starfire would know. She may not know that he was Richard Grayson, but if he didn't reappear elsewhere, she would know he had given up on everything. If not his life, then on protecting people from harm – and she would be ashamed of him.

He had to remain strong. He had to keep fighting.* So that even if he never, ever saw Star again, she could remember Robin as a hero, without anything tarnishing her memories of him.

The very next day, he hopped onto a plane headed for New York. Wildcat would train him if he asked nicely…though he wouldn't mention that he was not on speaking terms with Batman. That would lead to a long and unnecessary talking-to.

Training again was hard. With the Titans, it was he that pushed everyone to their limits – here, Wildcat was the one pushing him. It cut down on his pride and he wanted to quit at least five times a day. He supposed this was also due to his lack of sufficiency in boxing; he was more of a acrobat type, keeping swift on his feet, dodging blows, using explosives and birdarangs to distract the foe before punching, kicking and knocking the foe down. From Batman he had learned the art of melding into shadows and taking opponents by surprise. Those were his strengths.

Facing it one-on-one, fist-to-fist without resorting to trickery and smoke pellets was hard. It just wasn't the style he was used to. As they fought, the blue boxing gloves feeling unnatural to his hands, he found himself habitually reaching for something in his nonexistent utility belt.

"You're just like him."

They had never said more than what was necessary for everyday life ever since Dick had asked Wildcat to train him. Taken aback, Dick looked up. Ted had taken one of his gloves off and was working on the other.

"Who?" he asked warily.

"Batman," Wildcat replied, as if stating the obvious. "He was forever reaching for his belt too. Beats me how you two are both willing to bet your life on that thing. What if you lost it? Eh? _Then_ where would you be?"

_Just like Batman. _Dick would have considered this an insult a year ago. Now he just shrugged. If it would carve him a name and give him the strength to carry on, it didn't matter much. He would take to the shadows, turn silent and taciturn and menacing if it gave him strength.

Days made weeks, and weeks made months. Furiously, he worked. If he was not in the ring, he was next to a punching bag, willing to pummel with mounting passion for hours and hours. He ran laps around the gym without being prompted to, and threw his birdarangs at targets he made from scraps of discarded wood. Rain and wind were welcomed as an opportunity to hone his skills even further. On the outside, Starfire seemed to be forgotten, but she was always flitting at the edge of Dick's mind.

Sometimes at night, battered and bruised from the day's work, he would dream of Starfire sitting on his bed, carefully bandaging his hand, looking down at him with unfathomable eyes. At times he thought they were tender and soothing, sometimes they were pitying, and still other times he thought them approving. Rarely, she would seem angry. Those were the nights he could not fulfill his own standards and he made a stupid mistake that earned him another injury.

_Gotta keep fighting._

Six months. That's when Dick finally managed to win against Wildcat in a match. It was a long, hard match and luck had been on his side, but the facts still stood that he had won. He stood breathless and tense, swaying slightly. How would he take the blow?

For a few seconds, Wildcat just lay there, then put a hand up. Dick immediately pulled him up, and Wildcat, like the good teacher he was, patted Dick's shoulder and said,

"Good match, son."

Dick let out a long breath. He had done it. A small smile lifted the corners of his mouth, his lips cracking with the long-unused gesture. "Yeah. Thanks."

The next night, he was on a plane to Japan, on the way to Bruce's old teacher. He had politely asked for a chance to train, stating that he had learned the basics from Bruce but needed some fine-tuning. He had not specified when he would be able to go, but Sensei had accepted him all the same…

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_**A/N** I've decided to go with the seemingly third-person point of view for this story. Most likely it will make you feel a little detached with everything…know then that this is planned. I'm trying to portray that everything is cold. _

_Did you notice that when Dick was solitary there was a lot more of "he" and "she" and a lot less of conversations? I was trying to map out for you Dick's mind…not sure if I succeeded. This style is very new to me after all…some critique will be welcomed. You can be as harsh as you want, it will not affect me negatively._

*_This line is from an episode of Pokemon__…__well, similar to what was said there. It's been years and years since I ever even thought of Pokemon. Kudos to those who remember._

_Earth is an amazing place too. – Starfire, episode Sisters._

_Physician heal thyself: intended to show that Bruce couldn't do for himself what he did for others…no one is supposed to actually _say _this._

_Yes, I've put this on hiatus for…wow. A year. You are all allowed to pummel me to bits. I've done what I swore I wouldn't do!! TT_TT _

_Still would love to have reviews though. =is hit by tomatoes=_


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